Love is a funny thing. We spend our whole lives chasing it, showing it, wishing for it, giving it, sharing it, and if we are truly lucky, finding it. It takes all shapes and sizes. But at our cores, each of us wants and needs the love of those around us. I was lucky enough to meet and marry my true love, who is also my best friend, but imagine my surprise when it hit me this week that the reason Dave’s change over the carnivore diet through me for a loop so hard.
Not sure what I was reading, heck it may even have been a video or television program, but I figured it out this week. “Love language” has been tossed around for at least the last decade and it varies from person to person, but it was never a concept that resonated with me. That changed this week, turns out I do have a love language and it is cooking and baking for those I love. Simple right?
Turns out that it’s not so simple when suddenly you aren’t cooking or baking. Meals in the last three months have been meat and eggs, throw in some cheese on occasionally. Nothing exciting, not challenging, no new recipes to fiddle with, nothing. I was slowly going completely off-kilter, despite knowing I was loved.
Dave has gotten healthier on the carnivore diet, as have I even if I “cheat” on it constantly. He has seen remarkable improvements in dealing with his auto-immune issues and the unintentional side effect has been that he has dropped in excess of forty pounds. He has more energy. He is flourishing and is younger than he has been in the last decade plus. I have watched in irritated amazement as he has transformed himself into a slimmer, active, and happier person.
“Irritated amazement” doesn’t sound like a happy wife, does it? But truth is, I am happy but now I have to navigate unfamiliar waters and rediscover how to say “I love you” without verbalizing it. How do I even do that when meals are out, or he doesn’t eat the produce I grow? Truth is, I haven’t a clue. It is a scary road that lies before me.
Did Dave intentionally set out to throw me off kilter? Of course not. Am I off kilter? Absolutely. Do I mean to stay off kilter? Nope, but it will take some time to redefine my primary love language. So much of how I defined myself as a wife has been tied up in the delicious food that emerges from my kitchen. My creativity and heart have been wrapped up in what I make for those I love. It will take time to shift that love language from being so food centric that it impedes my ability to create and flourish in the myriad of other ways Dave expresses his love for me and our life.
Now at this point you are probably wondering what the purpose of this post is, I realized that I cannot be the only one who has ever found herself in this situation. It is an uncomfortable position to find yourself in to be honest. Starting to redefine love is a path I never anticipated walking down but now that I am on that path, I have to navigate the obstacles or forever be in a funk. Quite frankly, being in a funk is it opposite of my personality so I am not anticipating stumbling along this path for long. However, I also need to remember to give myself grace and patience, and to remember to extend those to Dave whenever I get frustrated that he is more than satisfied and content with yet another “boring” meal of steak and eggs.
The journey will be interesting, especially since my garden in flourishing. I am eagerly awaiting the first produce of the year, currently it is a race between the tomatillos and zucchini. Even if he doesn’t eat a single thing that comes from our garden, I certainly shall. Join me for the summer vegetables and the awkward stumble down the new love language path.
Pecandarosa 